Lenina Mortimer's book "I Ain't Thinking About You: The 8-Step Guide to Finally Letting Him Go Using The Breakup Funeral Method" offers readers systemic steps to healing and moving on from a breakup. The author includes personal experiences in heartbreak to guide lovelorn readers in mending broken hearts and provides suggestions to address reoccurring relationship struggles.
The concepts Mortimer discusses in her book are not new, such as accepting the outcome of a breakup and being vocal about hurt feelings. However, she incorporates relevant and specific contemporary relationship themes such as ghosting and self-care to examine breakups, all while using a distinctive voice logically and clearly. In "I Ain't Think About You," the author describes the dissolution of a relationship as a time to mourn the union and the former partner.
Lenina Mortimer introduces readers to the process of a Breakup Funeral. Like healing from the loss of a loved one, a breakup may elicit emotional and physical reactions that require devoted time to heal. She explains that the Breakup Funeral serves as a process of grieving the end of a relationship, and all associations with the former partner, in a series of cathartic responses and releases. One example is coming together with friends to share vulnerable emotions and stories. People can express their feelings of loss and mourn it externally. Additionally, the friend circle creates a safe space for honest discussions. It allows the participants to be vocal about what went wrong, what lessons singles learned, and how to move forward positively.
Though the author focused on "traditional" heteronormative relationships, the book offers suggestions and lessons for all romantic relationships across the orientation spectrum. It may even provide tips on non-romantic, platonic connections as well.
The symbolic rituals included in the book offer a glimpse of indigenous spiritual practices too. For example, Mortimer writes that meditation, positive thinking, and mindfulness practices can lead to decreased stress levels and more energetic participants. The author notes that using these practices may help new singles heal better than typical methods, such as brooding for days or weeks. Additionally, closure can offer people the necessary ending to a painful period. In some situations, the author advises that contacting an ex may not be the right step, and seeking other forms of closure may be better options.
The title of the book, "I Ain't Thinking About You," suggests that a person is no longer thinking about an ex. However, it's a bit inaccurate. The book takes singles through the breakup process, guiding the heartbroken through each stage, and finally allows individuals to envision their lives how they see fit. The former partner is a character in the process and very much involved, but figuratively. The goal is to get a person to a place where they are no longer thinking about that ex.
"I Ain't Thinking About You," like many self-help books, offers readers the support and words they need for the recently singled. It's quick, and each chapter reads like a note from a friend who also is a psychologist. If you are in the breakup phase and looking for something to help navigate the painful terrain, give this book a try.
This book review was written by Haitians Who Blog book reviewer Marsha Piard! To learn more about this contributor visit her Instagram @Marsha_Reads_Books
